Love and Liberation Coaching

Schedule a session with me

Life Coach|Spiritual Guide

Performer| Speaker

Choreographer|Dancer

 



I mentor and coach women and men who want to understand how to untangle themselves from co-dependent relationship patterns, heal massive heartbreak, and be fully self expressed. I help women unlearn patterns of relationship romantic illusions, to embody their feminine and re-pattern their masculine energy and their relationship to the masculine energy on the planet.  I show women how to let a men deep into the vulnerable spaces of their heart so they can actually have the intimacy they desire. I help men understand how to let a woman into their hearts, and how to be the kind of man that a woman will let into her most vulnerable spaces and let her guard down and how to show up in such a way with a woman that they are ignited, on fire, and do it without feeling manipulated. I believe that relationships can be about two equals, without power struggles, totally healing, loving, and real.

I do my work through 1:1 coaching, teaching sensual dance classes, writing, speaking, you-tubing, facebooking, instagraming, and other ings that I find pleasurable. Follow me!

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Enter your deets to the right to get updates about my events, coaching programs, dance classes, and my super vulnerable blog posts and videos. I’m looking forward to staying connected to you!

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Listen to the Love + Liberation Podcast with Lauren Sheehan and Paul Cooper

Magnetic Feminine Presence Online Video Course

This is my original 21 video online course encompassing the aspects of feminine presence, re-storeying your relationship with your femininity and your body, and understanding and harnessing the creative flow that lies in your pelvis and sexual organs.

Private Coaching

This is for those who feel the calling. If you want to work with me personally I have several options. I only work with a small number of 1:1 clients at a time and when there is space I offer single sessions. Click for details on how to schedule and inquire.

5 Day Feminine Essence + Empowerment Audio Course {aka Womb Love}

Womb Love Audio Course-Womb love is a 5 day journey to reconnect to and remember your feminine essence and the depth of womanhood, sensuality, mystery, and potency that lies inside your wombspace. Womb love is a way of being. It is a state of having your feminine essence turned on fully, to feel so orgasmically alive and on purpose so that you can actually LIVE the life you want to live. Click here to find out more and grab your discounted access!!

Sensual Freedom Dance Class

Sensual Freedom is a feminine conscious erotic movement class for women. The class itself is a shamanic journey to your inner animal. Imagine low lights, candles, deep resounding bass music, a nice warm up, some guided free form movement to connect you to your erotic core, and finished with some choreography inspired by sensual-erotic feminine archetypes. If Beyonce was a Shaman, this would be her brainchild…

Starting in Denver very soon! Email me if you’d like deets or want to bring me to teach.

Here is where I share my most vulnerable and raw thoughts....

on Life + Love + Liberation

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Videos Love, Sex, and Relationship

Videos on Feminine Presence

Why I had to Destroy my Relationship with my Mother {Mother’s day Sale}

lauren moms

My mother is my greatest gift. Because she shows me exactly how to step into the greatest version of myself.

In order to see this, I had to go straight to the source.

Before I tell you this story, I want you to know that in honor of Mother’s day, I’m hosting a sale on my two online courses and as a gift I asked Paul Cooper to host a call/webinar with me on Healing your relationship with your mother for those who purchase. Both of us have a lot of experience unraveling this part of our lives and have a very fresh perspective on how our mother relationship effects our ability to live the way we want and have the kind of relationships we want. Details  to buy are at the end.

What you Get, for $50 off!!! :

1) Magnetic Feminine Presence Online Course

2) Womb Love 5 day feminine essence audio program

3) Healing your relationship with your mother: 90 Minute Call/Webinar with me and Paul Cooper

Look for the course Access in your confirmation email from eventbrite.

When I decided to move back to my parents house in February, it was the last place I really wanted to go.

But I chose to go anyway. 

Partly because I was almost broke, and the other part, because everything I uncovered during my time in LA with Paul made it clear as day to me that if I really wanted to be free, and to get to the core of who I am, then I would have to face my biggest fear, facing my parents. More than chasing my dance dreams and any fear of failure, what scared me the most was to go home and deal with what I had been running from.

I was inspired at the idea of being at my parents when Paul told me that he had spent 13 months at home letting his mother *trigger him back the day he was born*.

He went home with the intention to clear whatever patterns and attachments that he had tangled up with his mother that were getting in the way of how he was relating to women as he had recognized that how he had been behaving in his love relationships was related to however he was still tangled with his mother.  The thing is that it sounds all heroic, but it was a process that nearly drove him (and his mom) insane. It required a ton of resolve and presence and a willingness to sit in and cause a lot of discomfort.

st-michael-the-archangel

In order for a new relationship to emerge, the current one must be destroyed, and that’s never a comfortable process. 

I have learned so much about myself and about relationships since I’ve been on this journey with Paul and it turns out, a lot of the dysfunction with Men in relationships with women can be traced back to their still being attached to their moms. Over the last year, I realized the deeply wounded masculine essence within me when my life just kept exploding over and over again.

In women, our attachment to our mother keeps our masculine essence weak and uninitiated, leaving us feeling emasculated, angry, and overly controlling our world and trying to be superwoman while exhausting ourselves and sucking the life out of us. 

There is a book called Iron John written by Robert Bly. I read it about two years ago and I never thought it applied to me since I’m not a man. In the book Robert Bly uses a fairy tale called Iron John to illustrate the growth and journey of boy to man in the psyche.

In the book, the biggest message is that for the boy to become a man, he must “steal the key from under his mother’s pillow.” In essence, for the boy to become a man, he must cut himself from the bond of his mother; free himself from under the sweet safety of her wing. And this is a task that is not given without challenge. 

In my experience, freeing yourself from your mother, as a woman, isn’t exactly about healing your feminine essence, it’s about healing your masculine essence. In your relationships to other women, it’s about healing your dynamic and how you relate to and trust other women.

Now as I think about Iron John, I can see that it’s about the masculine essence and the boy within us all, not just about men. And the masculine essence within me was still being trapped under my mother’s wing of care. The masculine essence within me was still uninitiated and being kept back from the dangerous big mama planet earth that will fuck you up any chance she gets, just to make sure you know your self enough to stand up tall no matter what.

Robert Bly says, “No mother worth her salt will just give the key away. If a son can’t steel it, he doesn’t deserve it. Mother’s are intuitively aware of what would happen if he got the key: They would lose their boys. The possessiveness that mothers typically exercise on their children can never be underestimated.”

This is how your mother shows you how to step into the most powerful version of you. She will never just give you the key under the pillow. You have to steal it, take it.

You have to see yourself in her, truly, to burn through all the anger and the things in yourself you don’t want to be or see, so that you can actually have compassion and love instead of a conjured up compassion and a false sense of letting go. You can only let go of what you are aware of.

You have to be willing to destroy the current version of the relationship you have with your mother, even in the face of her judgement of you and your own judgement of you. You can’t just skip to compassion and forgiveness. You can’t skip over feeling like a victim. Part of loving your mother and acknowledging her is to show her all of you, including everything that makes you angry and everything you feel hurt and confused about just as much as the things you love about her.

You have to be willing to show her your anger, show her your fears, your sadness, your frustration, and you have to do it without seeking approval or fear of her manipulation, possessiveness, or taking her love away from you. You have to be willing to break her heart and leave her to her own emotions. You have to be willing to show her that you love her enough to fight with her, that you love her enough to destroy the current version of relationship you have so that a new one based more on unconditional love can emerge.

mama bear

And this, to me, this year, is the gift of my mother and all mothers; and the world is just a big mother. She won’t just give you the key, that would be disrespecting you and not giving you the chance to really find out who you are for yourself. The gift is that simple, your mother knows who are better than anyone on the planet, and if you want to know about yourself all you have to do is go find out for yourself.

After 13 months, Paul left home and entered the world again a free man, a new man, and now his mom no longer triggers him and she no longer takes what he does personally and they can let each other be who they are. As for me, I’m still in process….

Happy Mothers Day to you!

Here’s how to be on the call with Paul and I on Healing your relationship with your mother and get my two online courses for a discount.

Sale Ends Tuesday May 13th at midnight pacific

What you Get, for $50 off!!! :

1) Magnetic Feminine Presence Online Course

2) Womb Love 5 day feminine essence audio program

3) Healing your relationship with your mother: 90 Minute Call/Webinar with me and Paul Cooper

Date TBA, before the end of May, and will be announced to those who buy (we will give as much personal attention as we can.)

 

Magnetic-Feminine-Presence-

Magnetic Feminine Presence- Online Video course

This is my original {the first thing I created} 21 video online course encompassing the aspects of feminine presence, re-storeying your relationship with your femininity and your body, and understanding and harnessing the creative flow that lies in your pelvis and sexual organs. It comes on an easy to access online platform. It is taught in 3 modules:

  • Module 1: Mastering your Magnetic Feminine Presence
  • Module 2: Embodying your Femininity, Sensuality, and womanly expression
  • Module 3: Harness your Power, Get over your fears, expand into abundance

To see more details click the link. To get the discounted package you must buy on this page though… :)  http://growyourglow.com/summer2011/selfpaced/

Womb-love-60

5 Day Feminine Essence + Empowerment Audio Course {aka Womb Love}

Womb Love Audio Course-Womb love is a 5 day journey to reconnect to and remember your feminine essence and the depth of womanhood, sensuality, mystery, and potency that lies inside your wombspace. Womb love is a way of being. It is a state of having your feminine essence turned on fully, to feel so orgasmically alive and on purpose so that you can actually LIVE the life you want to live

To see more details click here: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/womb-love-5-day-feminine-essence-empowerment-course-tickets-7888878849   Remember to get the discount you have to buy on this page.

 

 

The Journey of finding the gifts in the Darkness

darkness{Inspired by Mary Oliver’s quote: On the Gift of Darkness}

Here is my truth, the Lauren version:
When I was born, I was given a box full of darkness. It has been carried by my parents and their parents and their parents and their parents from a time when everyone knew god and separation was a known illusion. So when I was born, I was given this box full of darkness that has been carried in my blood for eons.

So I carried it. I received it without question and I took it on as mine. I carried it and carried it and carried it until I forgot that it was there. That box tormented me and kept me inside of is as a child and twisted and tangled my soul until it was so confused that I forgot who I AM.

When the darkness got too heavy, I started running. I started escaping. Everything I did was an escape, even the things I loved were an escape. I would escape to friends houses, to books, to movies, to music, to dance class, to writing, to anything I could occupy myself to do.

Then I discovered I could create ANYTHING. I could create myself. So I started creating myself to be what I thought I wanted to be, and put it over the hologram I had already created as a child to survive in the world. Layers and layers were on top of me. People are just layers and layers of secrets really. I tried to fit in to this group and that group, do this thing and that thing, I was excellent at fitting in and putting on the tribal garb. But it wasn’t who I AM. None of it. Who I AM was buried deep inside the box of darkness.

When I left home and college, I tried to build a life around the box, not seeing it was there. The life I built was one I imagined would bring me so much joy, but the life I built was built on a weak and rotting foundation. I tried to build on top of the box, I tried to build without seeing fully and clearly. It worked for a while and I made lots of money and built a business. But inside I was dying, red lining, withering away and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t see it then but I was even more tangled by being in personal growth land than I was before I entered. All my practices and processes and theories and language, it was all just more layers, more ways to shut myself deeper inside.

One day, it came knocking knocking, screaming, screaming, screaming, pushing, pushing that box of darkness. I thought I could take on everything at once, I was brave and curious. And when I saw what I saw I was terrified. So terrified that I started running harder. Only there was no where to run anymore. And then everything I loved got destroyed, everything around me was gone and I was left with the box and the energy of everything on top of the box I had built. At first I wanted to hate the box, what sort of fucking gift is this? There is nothing here. There is nothing I want here. Everything here is heavy and painful. Who is responsible for this? Who can I blame, I never asked for this, I never wanted it.

But it was already done, the only thing to do was sort through the box and clean it up. It’s here so I’m going in.

A year and a half later I’m still integrating the *gifts* inside the box.

Turns out, everything in that box is exactly what I need to be myself fully and do what I came here to do.

It’s not always the most fun or the easiest thing to do, but I’ve learned that when I don’t look and move through it, my life crumbles. That box has carved out the depth of my heart so deeply that now I can trust myself and the world. I feel everything and each day I see more and more clearly. It has not been easy and I would not trade it for anything because wading through that muck has shown me what I am capable of. And sometimes I still hate that fucking box, but there are treasures in there that only I can go in and claim. Turns out that box is exactly what I needed.

Turns out not everything in that box was mine to be responsible for in the first place so I’ve had to learn to hold others more accountable for that as I’ve learned how to be accountable for myself. And it turns out that learning to do that, to show up as I am, and to not allow others to make me wrong, to be responsible for what is mine and have an open heart while not accepting what wants to drag me down, has brought me closer to my core than anything ever has.

Do you have a story of sifting through your own box of gifts? I would love to hear about it. Leave me a comment or send me and email. :)

Sending you so much love on your journey! I know it’s not always easy, but I know you can handle it!

Lauren

Wanna go Deeper with me? Work with me for a few weeks or check out my online courses:

Love + Liberation Coaching

My 1:1 coaching is for individuals who are:

  • Tired of feeling powerless in their relationships and their lives.
  • Stuck in a vicious cycle and are ready to break free.
  • Leading relatively successful lives but something is still holding them back.
  • Seeking greater depth and intimacy in their relationships.
  • Feeling a deep desire for a more immersive, free-flowing experience of life.
  • Ready to stop trying to “take responsibility” and BE responsible for their lives.
  • Ready to step fully into their power, and return to a state of freedom and choice.
  • Prepared to learn the skills necessary to navigate even the most challenging relationships from a place of power and unconditional love.

If you’re curious about working with me and you’re a person who feels called to me {you know who you are}, email me at lauren@badassbizchick.com and tell me a little bit about what’s challenging your life right now, what you want my help with, and your contact details (email and phone) and we will set up a FREE exploration session. I offer monthly scholarships for those who know they want this and may need financial help.

 Womb Love- 5 day feminine essence + empowerment course

Womb-love-60 Womb Love Audio Course-Womb love is a 5 day journey to reconnect to and remember your feminine essence and the depth of womanhood, sensuality, mystery, and potency that lies inside your wombspace. Womb love is a way of being. It is a state of having your feminine essence turned on fully, to feel so orgasmically alive and on purpose so that you can actually LIVE the life you want to live.  This course is a remedy for something I call the womb-heart split.

 Click here to find out more and grab your  access!! “The essence of the feminine has often been presented as a lofty intellectual discussion of goddesses or on the flip side an ungrounded and mushy merging of abstracted feminine qualities. This course is different. Lauren teaches with certainty and composed grace, the basics of embodying your essence as a woman. The teaching is immediate and the transmission is palpable in …these recordings. Fierce and kind, soft and commanding, this primer is a way into the mystery and the beginning of a relationship with what you may not know you are missing. This course will bring you in relationship with a layer of reality that we, as women, can truly begin to play and thrive in. Radiance is palpable and you will know what it means and feels like and how it impacts those around you after playing with these experiential exercises. These teachings are a secret pearl and I am grateful to receive them.”- Marisa Smith Get it here !

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/womb-love-5-day-feminine-essence-empowerment-course-tickets-7888878849

On Knowing: You don’t always have to KNOW to keep moving

image

On Knowing: Our own knowing is still transient and fluid. We might *know* something for a moment, and then receive it and then space opens for a new knowing. A deeper more richer knowing, something similar or completely different to what we * knew* before.

I’m finding that once I own my knowing, I speak it, it flows through me and if I try to cling to that new knowing, I start to contract. Sometimes I’m afraid of my knowing because I’m not sure I’m ready for what receiving and speaking that knowing will shift in my world.

Knowing. Truth. Desire. It’s all a thread we follow and it’s all fluid and changing.

What is real will always remain. The heart is a compassionate trickster sometimes. It will use what you think you want to lead you to what you actually want. That is why you don’t have to focus so much or worry about not being clear about what you want.

Your being, your soul knows what you want better than your human brain. Clinging to the next piece of knowing or clarity or desire and the temporary high of excitement, the temporary relief of discomfort, is just like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. The carrot dangler is leading the horse somewhere but the horse is transfixed on the excitement of getting the carrot. Trust that you are always being led.

Trust that your soul knows more than you even want to know right now. Let go of being the creator of the whole universe or your whole life, that is truly exhausting. If you’re the one creating everything your life is going to be seriously limited and eventually lead you into more and more controlling of everything around you.

The next time you get bent out of shape because you feel unclear about life or what you want, just say fuck it. You don’t need to know. All that BS about knowing what you want so you can move forward is just another way we get manipulated.

Just live your life and follow your heart. Let go of right and wrong. Those don’t exist. The more you trust that you can handle whatever situation comes to you, the more you can surrender into the immersion of your life. Again I say, YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW.

Its in the feeling comfortable not knowing that we can move forward with fluidity and grace.It’s in our ability to move into what life brings to us without shutting it out that we create more depth and courage in our hearts. You don’t need to know it all.

You don’t need to be clear about what you want. You don’t need a man list that is 7 pages long to have a man show up for you. You don’t need to know what your purpose is to be living it. You don’t need to have a 6 figure business to be and feel successful.

The less you define yourself by things outside of you the more potent you become. The less you claim to know, the more access you have to the truth. The less you cling to your desires, the more room you leave to be surprised by the universe at the things you didn’t even know you wanted.

You don’t need to know. And you can just tell that little voice inside that needs to know it all to feel safe and ok, that Lauren said so. :)

Wanna go Deeper with me? Work with me for a few weeks or check out my online courses:

Love + Liberation Coaching

My 1:1 coaching is for individuals who are:

  • Tired of feeling powerless in their relationships and their lives.
  • Stuck in a vicious cycle and are ready to break free.
  • Leading relatively successful lives but something is still holding them back.
  • Seeking greater depth and intimacy in their relationships.
  • Feeling a deep desire for a more immersive, free-flowing experience of life.
  • Ready to stop trying to “take responsibility” and BE responsible for their lives.
  • Ready to step fully into their power, and return to a state of freedom and choice.
  • Prepared to learn the skills necessary to navigate even the most challenging relationships from a place of power and unconditional love.

If you’re curious about working with me and you’re a person who feels called to me {you know who you are}, email me at lauren@badassbizchick.com and tell me a little bit about what’s challenging your life right now, what you want my help with, and your contact details (email and phone) and we will set up a FREE exploration session. I offer monthly scholarships for those who know they want this and may need financial help.

 Womb Love- 5 day feminine essence + empowerment course Womb-love-60 Womb Love Audio Course-Womb love is a 5 day journey to reconnect to and remember your feminine essence and the depth of womanhood, sensuality, mystery, and potency that lies inside your wombspace. Womb love is a way of being. It is a state of having your feminine essence turned on fully, to feel so orgasmically alive and on purpose so that you can actually LIVE the life you want to live.  This course is a remedy for something I call the womb-heart split. Click here to find out more and grab your  access!! “The essence of the feminine has often been presented as a lofty intellectual discussion of goddesses or on the flip side an ungrounded and mushy merging of abstracted feminine qualities. This course is different. Lauren teaches with certainty and composed grace, the basics of embodying your essence as a woman. The teaching is immediate and the transmission is palpable in …these recordings. Fierce and kind, soft and commanding, this primer is a way into the mystery and the beginning of a relationship with what you may not know you are missing. This course will bring you in relationship with a layer of reality that we, as women, can truly begin to play and thrive in. Radiance is palpable and you will know what it means and feels like and how it impacts those around you after playing with these experiential exercises. These teachings are a secret pearl and I am grateful to receive them.”- Marisa Smith Get it here ! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/womb-love-5-day-feminine-essence-empowerment-course-tickets-7888878849

Beg Him: On Sexy Desperation, Hot Neediness + Sexual Maturity

 

kneeling womanBeg him. With your heart. Beg with your wide open heart and all of your desires. Feel them. Deeply. Then let them go.

Let the vision of the two of you and the life you want, the babies you want, the adventures you want to have, the work in the world you can create together, feel them in your heart, let them

S
I
N
K

down into the caverns of your own longing, down to the depths of your heart where everything turns into gold from ash.

Beg him. Let your pussy swell. The juices run. Let them fill up until they inform your womb of your sweet desires and the well of thick honey sap stored there start to churn.

Let how much you want him to rip your clothes off and throw you up against the wall and fuck you rise up into your heart like a wildfire that burns away the walls of your heart.

Beg him. With your heart. Feel how needy you feel. Let yourself need him like you can’t survive. Let yourself need his cock like you can’t survive. Let yourself need his love like you can’t survive. Just for a moment, in every moment, for as long as you please.

Let your heart

M     M       M
E       E        E
L       L         L
T      T         T

into the floor. Like a magnet. Let it melt into the deepest caverns of your own longing until your heart is the whole room and you can feel it beating the blood of the whole world.

I need you. I want you. Choose me. I’m afraid to get hurt. I love you so much it hurts. I want to open but I don’t know how. I want to let you in and I’m afraid. Don’t leave me. I love you. Let’s have babies and run the world together. Let’s make love. Please. Please lover. Please.

Let your desperation be known. Be so unapologetically desperate that your heart becomes one with everything.

Get down on your knees and beg him with your heart. Kneel at his feet and beg him with your heart. Look into his eyes and show him your heart. Show him your longing. Lay down your sword and become more vulnerable than you have ever felt. More unprotected than you have ever been. More allowing of yourself than you have ever been.

Beg him. With your heart. Need him without needing him. Love him and let him go in every moment. Stay with your own heart in every moment.

Beg him. Standing there open wide with nothing to hide, everything to lose and nothing to protect.

This is the offering of a woman’s heart to a man she loves.

Art by Luis Royo

—————————————————————————————————————————————

There are two ways to be needy and desperate. The first way says “fill the hole in my heart” I need you to fill me because I need you to complete me. The second says “Fill me. I’m here. I’m open. I’m ready. I’m not asking you to fill the hole in my heart AND I still feel this desperate need for you and your love. I can live without you and it, and I can still allow myself to feel my own desperate desire for you.”

I realized this while laying on a couch with the man I love, feeling the crossroads between sinking into self pity, judgement,  disconnect and just feeling everything that I was feeling, giving myself all the feelings and desires that were inside of me. Opening WIDER.

The thing about having so much desire is that it puts us in a sense that there is so much to lose. So to feel it, even when we think or know that it’s not for us at this moment in time, can be painful.

As I’ve been working with more and more people in the way I have been and taking myself through this journey of life, I have come to see that one of our greatest fears as humans is not being able to handle our own emotions. We fear the sensation in our bodies so much and we fear the unknowable so much that we wrap story after story, no matter how fucked up it is, around it in order to make some kind of sense of it and feel in control and in the KNOW. Needing to KNOW everything is one big way that we can keep ourselves from surrender, trust, and intimacy.

We abandon ourselves and our feelings because we don’t know how to move through them and often it feels like we will die or get stuck there forever.

The experience I had that inspired this poem reminded me of the journey of opening, emotional maturity, and sexual maturity as a woman. The whole goddess and women’s empowerment movement has given women so much freedom and liberation in how we play with and use our sexuality and while it has been so freeing for many,  it can also become a disillusioned path to confusing power with control. I recognized in myself several months ago a disconnect with how my own sexual power was flowing out of me and being expressed. I was more than comfortable in erotic and sexual energies with myself and others, but something was off. In my own journey I’ve spent time in communities of polyamourous people and others who practice a very open way of loving and expressing sexuality, I’ve trained in Orgasmic meditation, I’ve been to cuddle parties, I’ve gone to plenty of edges in my sexuality. That part of my journey was important for helping me dismantle my ideas about monogomy, relationship and how things SHOULD be. It helped blow open all my fears around jealousy and showed me just how much of my self worth I was placing outside myself and inside of the men I was with, and it also left me blown open with a massive hole to fill.

The sexual goddess culture can sometimes open a woman up and instead of teach her to feel her own sexual power and show her how to refine it within her body and guide her towards her own heart, can further fragment and disconnect a woman from the unconscious parts of her that want to manipulate and control the world around her and instead she learns to use her sex as a tool for manipulation in the name of empowerment. It’s not always easy to spot or see, because who wants to admit that they are being controlling or manipulative. And still, a lot of men don’t know how to spot or be aware of a woman’s sexual control because they have still not cultivated a resolve strong enough to resist his own sexual desire and need. This happened to me for sure, and it wasn’t until I had a man refuse to have sex with me and share with me that he wasn’t interested in my sexual prowess that I woke up. I was using my sexual power to source my own sense of worth and power in the world and in some ways to hook a man into my vortex and have him want to stay close to me and with me so that I could feel safe about him not leaving me at some point.

When I was laying on the couch just feeling all my longing without judgement, it was intoxicating. My heart was vibrating and I felt myself sinking into the floor. He just sat there as I felt and at some point said to me “It’s beautiful to see and feel you feeling so much”, which in retrospect was huge for him because in the past it may have been uncomfortable for him to stay present while I felt all of the desires I had for him, that he was not able to give to me. The experience of it all reminded me how powerful that kind of longing is, because it gets sent out as this message from our hearts at our most vulnerable, a cry for what we want, and a self witnessing of our desires.

I have seen that throughout my life, desires have come and gone, and some things I desired last year I no longer want at all, but desire is like a thread, just as in life, the desire and feeling the desire was a step on the path to come to what it is we really desire. It’s like burning away layers. 

My heart continued to throb and pulse with longing for the entire night and what I saw in him as he sat there was that he just gravitated towards me. I could feel him wanting to give me what my heart was putting out. It was almost like he had to stop himself.  Because for a man, it feels GOOD to give to a woman who is begging from a place of wholeness. From that place, what you want can be satisfied and fulfilled. When you are in need from a place of fill my hole, it’s like this insatiable hunger that will never ever be satisfied and for him to give to you from that place is like agreeing to enter into a reality where he will forever be at your mercy and you might be at first feeling quenched, subconsciously you’ll never be able to really trust him or open to him.

The truth is, what I was doing was feeling all my desire without actually needing my desires to become reality, or making him wrong for not choosing me or choosing to have those with me, and it allowed me to show up fully present without an agenda. This was something I was only able to do because of the journey I have been on.

And during that night, I experienced the fullest surrender and offering of my heart to the man that I love that I’ve ever felt, it was like honey melting off of my heart for hours and hours. Like a cat purring with delight. And I’ll never forget that feeling.

 

Listen to Juli share how she went from emotional, depressed, anxietal mess, to ease, beauty, femininity, and a love for herself she never knew

—Juli Soric

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